This week, I are mostly been blogging about fish.

There was a reason.

Tomorrow I am going on holiday and by wednesday hope to be diving in warm, tropical water. All the fish (with the exception of todays which were purely to appease Jazz in her insistance that I show some pictures I took) featured in the last week are native to the place I’m going to and, with luck, I’ll get to see fine specimens of each.

If I can hire a camera while I’m out there, I’ll bring back some piccies.

So play nice while I’m away and don’t do anything I wouldn’t.

Remember - smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em!

Special treat today - three fish pictures for you. Don’t thank me - I know you appreciate them! Oh, and for once, these were (nearly) all taken by me.

Scyllium Catulus
The Nursehound (Scyllium catulus) is also known as the Large-spotted dogfish. It is one of the few smaller species of shark found off the coast of the UK. They can be found near the sea bottom, thereby earning their nickname of “ground sharks”, and feed on smaller fish and crustacea.

Maja Squinado
The Common Spider Crab (Maja Squinado) is easily identifiable by it’s compartively small carapace and long spindly legs. It is found throughout the north-east Atlantic and is widespread along UK shores. Despite being very edible and having a sweeter taste than the common edible crab (Cancer Pagarus) it is not often found adorning the menu of UK restaurants.

Draco Subaqua
Below is a rare shot of the elusive Diving Dragon (Draco Subaqua) which can be found worldwide and was first sighted in Thailand, although it has been mainly sighted in UK waters over the last couple of years. Not a lot is known about this extraordinary species although it has been determined to be unedible and does not go well with ketchup. It is thought that this is probably due to it’s scaly skin and bad breath.

Both beauty and the beast, the Lionfish (Pterois volitans) is an easily recognisable reef fish found in tropical waters. The elongated dorsal fin spines and enlarged pectoral fins are extremely venomous and can cause painful puncture wounds. Lion-fish stings can cause nausea, breathing difficulties, paralysis, convulsions and collapse. Death may occur in exceptional circumstances but fatalities are rare. Lionfish are lazy predators and have a tendency to simply drift with the current.

(A personal aside, this is one of my favourite fish. I think they are beautiful creatures and are so graceful and elegant but serve as a lesson in life - not all that is beautiful is safe to touch.

And a note to Jazz, you would have got some of my own pictures tonight but it turns out that my scanner doesn’t work with XP so I’m afraid you’ll have to wait!)

The Whale Shark (Rhincodon typus) is the biggest shark and the largest fish on Earth. Unlike other members of the shark family, the Whale shark is a filter feeder and it’s diet is similar to whales and manta rays, consisting mainly of plankton, krill, squid and small fish. The fish will process about 1500 gallons of water an hour, filtering its prey through its gills. This solitary creature is largely found in warm waters near the equator. The largest specimen to be found to date was measured at 59 feet in Thailand in 1919. On average, they measure about 46 feet (14 metres) in length and weigh 15 tons. Despite their size, they are slow swimmers, moving at about 3mph.

I don’t want to get into the habit of posting regularly about search requests that have led to this place but today there were two that caught my eye.

I really hope the person who did a search on “pig fondling in Norway” was looking for this post and related news article rather than a (very) specific fetish. Because otherwise that would be a little disturbing.

And I don’t know what to make of “Dragon you are tasty with ketchup”. Am I? Really? Any volunteers care to confirm this?

Pogo is having a dilemma about whether to have a photo taken for an ID card before or after he’s had a haircut. I don’t know what his Passport Fiasco was but we’ve all had them haven’t we. It’s one of those things we take for granted in life - the sun will come up, Britain’s infrastructure will fail when the weather changes and your passport photo is always horrendous. Even if you’ve just had a professional makeover in preparation, once you step into that little booth and pull the curtain across, nothing will ever be the same. The resultant photo will always make you look like you’re a demented lunatic on the run or are doped up on all sorts of analgesics and sedatives. It’s guaranteed to get you pulled over when entering or leaving the country where wither the immigration officer will ask “Are you sure this is you in your photo sir?” or even worse, call their colleagues over to have a gawk and a good laugh at your picture.

Canada has started to tackle this problem.

The Canadian foreign ministry has banned people from smiling on their passport photographs. Not a glimpse of teeth, no slightly upturned corners of your mouth, nothing. You are no longer allowed to look like you might actually be enjoying life or looking forward to your trip or otherwise seem happy.

The reason for this is a quite strict intepretation of ICAO (International Civil Aviation Organisation) guidelines designed to make it easier for security personnel to identify passport holders. Not wearing hats, wigs, fake moustaches and even glasses I can understand. But smiling? What are they thinking? And what about people who dye their hair? “I’m sorry ma’am, but the person in this photograph is a brunette but you’re a blond!”

And God help people who have a naturally cheerful demeanour and smile all the time. They’re definitely going to get stopped trying to get through customs in Canada.

I can hear the snap of the rubber gloves already.

(via the BBC)

We are living in the 21st century. It is now the future. The technology available to us is developing so rapidly that by the time you you have got your brand new, top of the range personal computer/DVD player/Digital Camera/Mobile Phone/MP3 player home from the shops, it’s already outmoded and obsolete.

Scientists can clone sheep and horses, develop microscopic nanobots for use in surgery, put man on the moon and robots on Mars and explore heaven, earth and deep blue sea. We’ve split the atom, seen the creation of stars and mapped human DNA.

Sometimes I still feel like a child, in awe of the gadgetry that pervades our lives and marvelling at human achievement. We have become our own technological gods and the future is ours for the taking. The predictions of H.G. Wells, Jules Verne, Arthur C. Clarke and many other great visionary authors are manifesting themselves in reality as we watch. Science fiction, slowly but surely, is becoming science fact. How long, I ask myself, before the first ion engines and warp drives will be taking us to the other side of the galaxy at speeds nearing (or maybe even faster) than the speed of light.

My friends, we live in amazing times.

So can someone please tell me how it is still possible for the air-conditioning challenged London Underground to be brought to a standstill by a power cut tonight. We’re not talking just one line, we’re talking the whole kit and caboodle, every tube line throughout London. And several regional overground services. And Eurostar.

This happened at 6:30pm.

On a weekday.

In rush hour!

The first indication that something was wrong was when I got to the station and found that the stairs were closed. Not an uncommon sight in itself, but accompanied by the sirens, the flashing lights and the sound of Big Brother demanding that everyone leave the underground immediately, I sensed that this might be more than just the usual “mouse shit on the track” problem.

Then a remarkable event took place. Rather than join the grumbling hoardes flocking patiently at the station entrance, I took a bus.

My dislike of London buses warrants another post in itself so I won’t go into it here. But tonight, largely driven by the unconquerable urge to get home, I gritted my teeth and hopped on. At least I would be heading in the right direction. After all, I only had two or three miles to go, through the centre of the city.

As it transpired, this turned out to be quite a prudent choice when I later learnt from the kind young lady sitting next to me with her phone-cum-radio (technology actually working for a change!) that it wasn’t just my station that was closed. The bus was the only way to get anywhere. Fortunately for me, I got on at the buses origin but I felt a tinge of pity for the crowds of commuters massing around the bus stops all the way up Oxford Street waiting in vain for a bus that wasn’t packed out. It was only a tinge though and it passed quickly.

An hour and a half later, I arrived at my destination. The one that was only three miles away.

I could actually have walked it in half the time which I would happily have done except that a) I have blisters on my feet that are so big I’m thinking about ringing the Guinness Book of Records in the morning and b) after weeks and weeks of dry weather, the heavens opened and it pissed down with rain.

But, as the saying goes, all’s well that ends well. I got to where I wanted to be and alighted from the bus with almost a spring in my step.

Only the west coast main line between me and a nice glass of Shiraz in the comfort of my own lair.

But that’s another story.

The Percula Clownfish (Amphiprion percula), or anenome fish, is one of the most common reef fish found in tropical waters. It is unique in that it forms a symbiotic relationship with a host anenome and can be found weaving in and out the anenome’s tentacles without being stung. The clownfish’s immunity derives from a coating of mucus which covers its body. This mucus is transfered to the hosts tentacles and affords the fish complete protection. The fish will remain with the same anenome indefinitely and as the host is sedentary, you can be sure that you will likely find the same fish inhabiting it on return visits.

Hammerhead sharks are very distinctive looking creatures whose heads have evolved to look like a hammer, elongated to the sides with the eyes positioned at either end. Probably the most common species of hammerhead is the Scalloped Hammerhead (Sphyma Lewini), so called because of the central indentation and arched front edge on the “hammer”. Scalloped Hammerheads average 12-14 feet long. They regularly feed on fish such as sardines, herring and mackerel.

Rail firms are encouraging people to take this week off work to avoid delays while “essential” engineering works are being carried out.

That’s nice of them. If only they’d announced the closure of the west coast main line (which is nowhere near the coast incidentally) railway last year so that people could have booked their holidays in advance. But no, it seemed a better idea to suggest this to people the day before the engineering works are due to start. As much as they may have given plenty of notice that these works were going to be taking place, this sort of advice doesn’t really fill me with confidence that they know what they’re doing.

Inability to manage customers doesn’t suprise me though. After all, I used to be a Connex South Central passenger!

The main reason I’m blogging about this is not to have a moan about the rail companies in general - well, okay, it’s that too - but because I am caught up in the middle of it all.

Wha is surprising me is that it’s being run like a military campaign and so far this morning things have so far gone pretty smoothly. The bus was there on time, the driver was pretty chirpy, the traffic wasn’t bad and the train is fast into London. Not only that but it’s virtually empty. I’m just waiting for someone to bring the drinks and duty-free trolley and my morning will be complete. (In fact, why weren’t they offering us bacon sarnies when we got to the station as some sort of compensation? Think I might suggest it to them.)

It’s a shame is that it takes a major disruption like this to get things to run smoothly. There are signs at the station saying the platform will be shut a minute before the train leaves so that people aren’t rushing to get on and delay the train. I’ve never seen so many staff at a station before. And I’ve never met so many people who actually seem to know what’s going on and what time the next train is going to be. There must be a lesson for the rail companies to learn here somewhere.

Anyway, I’m going to relax in my uncramped space and go back to leching at the cute girl in the leather jacket and FMBs so if you’ll excuse me…