Back in Janurary I was at Disneyworld and spent an evening in the Magic Kingdom theme park. I ended up having a ride on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and was throughly disappointed. Apart from the chickens. I loved the chickens.

So, pretty much along with the rest of the world, I was a little suspicous when I heard they were doing a film of based on the ride. However, the creative team behind it had commendable CVs and there have been plenty of good reviews, so I left my preconceptions at home and took my open mind to go and see it.

I’m glad I did. It was fantastic! So much so that I don’t know where to begin.

A brief synopsis of the story: it’s about pirates. There’s soldiers, ships, hidden treasure, a curse, walking the plank, sea battles, parrots, monkeys, beautiful women, swordfights, rum and desert islands. And it’s in the Caribbean. You don’t need to know much more than that.

Johnny Depp steals the show with a tour de force performance as the effete Jack Sparrow (sorry, Captain Jack Sparrow). Dressed like he doesn’t know if he’s a New Romantic or Adam Ant, Depp camps up this role so much so that he makes Graham Norton seem positively butch. He’s fantastic and it’s one of the funniest performances I’ve seen in a long time.

Orlando Bloom as the lowly blacksmith, Will Turner is reminiscent of a young Errol Flynn. All but shedding the girly look of a certain elf, he is every bit the swashbuckling hero and worthy suitor of the gourgeous Elizabeth Swan, played wonderfully by Kiera Knightly.

Oscar winner Geoffrey Rush is marvellous as the black-hearted captain of the Black Pearl, Barbossa. He must have loved playing this role - I’m sure he managed to get every stereotypical pirate phrase into one or other of his speeches - every “arrrr!”, every “me hearties”, every “you scarbarous sea dog” going.

And that’s the beauty of this film - it knows its subject and has its tongue firmly in its cheek. Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio, the writers behind Shrek and The Mask of Zorro (and also Godzilla, but before you judge them, go and read their side of the story on their website) have written a tremendously funny script that must have been an absolute delight to read and a hoot to play. It absolutely revels in every glorious cliche of the genre. Whats more, with the exception of the two young leads, no-one takes it seriously. This works well. It’s as if Depp and Rush, the experienced salty sea dogs, know that they can simply do it their way leaving the young lovers to do their damndest to remain earnest.

The film isn’t without it’s flaws. The direction is a bit lacking in places and the swordfights aren’t the best ever committed to cellouloid. I also found the music frustrating. It’s not that it’s out of place for the most part, but it sounds like it should have been a Michael Bay film (not surprising as the composer also did the music for Pearl Harbour) and I was half expecting a slo-mo tracking shot at any moment. But at the end of the day, the film is, appropriately, a ride and there’s plenty to entertain. Action, humour, cracking one liners and Johnny Depp being so gay he should have been in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

And there wasn’t a chicken in sight!

(Incidentally, one thing I noticed on the ride in Disneyworld - there wasn’t a single coloured person portrayed. And I thought it was meant to be in the Caribbean!)