After a lethal round of “bar golf” on Friday night (the aim being to complete each drink listed on the score card in a specified par or less) and a 19 hour drinking session on Saturday (which took in the marvellous rugby game, 5 bars, a lot of abusing teasing Australians, a lapdance bar, a kebab house and a “beer festival”) I have returned from Manchester.

It was fantastic. Superb. Sensational. Hoofing.

Fucking awesome.

But I never, ever, EVER want to drink or smoke again in my life!