Christ it’s quiet in blogland!

This is torture. With tyres. Well actually it’s a 400m stretch of track with tyres embedded in it that you need to either weave between or (and I think this is more likely) run over. Falls are likely although the sure footed will be able to sprint down the middle of the course.

A chance to relive the best bits form all those WW2 POW films. This obstacle is a 50m crawl under barbed wire. It being summer, there is the likelihood of stinging nettles and brambles too. (Somehow I’m not sure that the organisers are going to be considerate enough to cut them back). Reports also suggest that the ground is covered in gravel so one way or another, skin is likely to get shredded.

The only way to tackle this is to think like G.I.Joe and just crawl for your life. Anyone with military training probably won’t find this much of a problem. The rest of us are just going to have to try and work out a strategy on the move.

Word of the Day fromDictionary.com

draconian \dray-KOHN-ee-uhn; druh-\, adjective:
1. Pertaining to Draco, a lawgiver of Athens, 621 B.C.
2. Excessively harsh; severe.

Thanks to the Girl with the ocean in her eyes for the heads up.

Late, as usual, but I finally sorted out the playlists for both CDs for this years Summer Burn.

CD1: Bloodlust, Sensationalism & Violence

1. Burn - The Cure
2. Burning - Die Symphhoney
3. Hauss On Fah - Foetus
4. Firestarter (Instrumental) - The Prodigy
5. Kerosene - Big Black
6. Burn - Nine Inch Nails
7. Post Apocolyptic Burn - Amphibious Assault
8. Burnout - VNV Nation
9. Hands of Death (Burn Baby Burn) - Rob Zombie
10. Terror - KMFDM
11. Burn (Flashpoint) - Fear Factory
12. Burning Inside - Ministry
13. Religion (Burn You Down) - Front 242
14. Whiteout - Killing Joke
15. Fire Water Burn - The Bloodhound Gang

And then just to show that I’m not all loud, harsh, industrial noise:

CD2: Summertime of the Soul

1. Little Fluffy Clouds - The Orb
2. Low Sun - Chicane
3. Dead Already - Thomas Newman
4. Even After All - Finley Quaye
5. Flying - Death In Vegas
6. Utopia - Goldfrapp
7. Asleep From Day - Chemical Brothers
8. Transcendental Moonshine - Steroid Maximus
9. Blue Spanish Sky - Chris Isaak
10. Blume - Einsturzende Neubauten
11. After Dark - Tito & The Tarantulas
12. Save Me - Aimee Mann
13. A Sorta Fairytale - Tori Amos
14. Lung Shadows - The The
15. A Warm Place - Nine Inch Nails
16. An Ending (Ascent) - Brian Eno

Now I’ve just go the CD artwork to sort out.

A police car was parked outside the ticket office at the station this morning. A perp was spreadeagled on the bonnet, held down by two officers who were struggling to put handcuffs on him.

“What have I done? Why are you arresting me?” he yelled.

“You have been intimidating, threatening and abusive to station staff here, which is an offence”. I couldn’t hear the remaining offences being listed over the yells of his detainee.

“I don’t need fucking handcuffs,” the perp cried out, doing his best to resist arrest. “Get them off me!”

The policeman slammed¹ the perps head down against the chassis of the car. “We think you do,” he said through grated teeth.

As I walked past I thought to myself that they were being a bit harsh and that they were impinging his civil liberties by forcibly arresting him in such a manner. What he probably needs more than being dragged off and slapped in handcuffs is an open ear to listen to his needs and understand his challenges.

Actually, that’s a lie. What I really thought was “Ha! I hope the chav² scum gets what he deserves. Little bastard!”

The wife turned to me. “I’ve never seen anyone being arrested before.”

“Shhhh! Don’t look!” I whispered and hurried past, head down, trying to not stare in case it appeared that I was trying in anyway to obstruct the course of justice.

¹Dramatic over exaggeration. There was no evidence of any police brutality at all during the arrest. Unfortunately.
²Right down to the very classy Burberry cap. I kid ye not.

Affirming her Queen of Chav status, the Metro reported that Victoria Beckham has shipped a couple of crates of Blue Nun wine over to her Madrid mansion.

How posh is that?

The Bailey Bridge is a cut down version of the Jesus Bridge and apparently very similar to a cattle grid. It should be possible to sprint across but is likely to be quite slippy and could lead to injury if you fall. And that would not be a good thing this close to the end!

Seven days until Tough Guy.

I don’t feel very fit!

.oO(Wonder if I can persuade Briggy to do it instead of me? He seems gullible enough to get talked into things!)

When I say walk, I mean drive.

I had to go to Leeds this weekend to have a second fitting for a suit for my friends wedding in a couple of weeks. It fortunately wasn’t a wasted journey as it turns out I have put on 4 inches around my chest since I originally got measured. Woohoo. I am Draconian Beefcake! You will respect my authoritah!

Actually, I think they messed up the original measurement because, no matter how much time I’ve spent down the gym over the last couple of months, four inches is a hell of a lot. (Only a bloke can say that and keep a straight face!) I may have grown a couple of inches, but that’s about it.

I think I’m going to stop this right now.

And I was surprised at how much I enjoyed Spidey 2, but a full and proper review (in my own ubiquitous and pretentious style) will follow.

The trip up the motorway also gave me a chance to proof my Summer Burn CD. It is not conducive to driving at a safe speed, that’s for sure (but I hasten to add that I did drive safely and responsibly all the way there and back). I will post a full (and amended) track listing soon but to give you an idea, the subtitle is “Bloodlust, sensationalism and violence”. Summer, the headCleaner() way. (CD2, however, opens with the Orb’s “Little Fluffy Clouds”. It’s the Yang to CD1s Ying.)

Christ in a sidecar I’m bored!