I’m getting more excited about the idea of going on holiday tomorrow. A week in Sharm El Sheik, six days diving, sun, sea and sand*.

So on the train the other day, the missus said to me “What happens if the boat leaves you behind like in that film?” The film in question was the low budget, DV filmed, based on a true story, thriller “Open Water” about a couple who go diving while on holiday and get left behind by the boat and are harassed by hungry, man eating sharks**, jellyfish and used condoms***. The film is based on the true story of Tom and Eileen Lonergan who disappeared from a dive boat while diving the Great Barrier Reef in January 1998. At least the likelihood of more dangerous sharks increases in that part of the world.

The thing is, though, that this isn’t so far fetched. Every year there’s a story coming out of Sharm about a diver and their buddy being left behind by their dive boat. In fact, the lead letter in this month’s Diver magazine is from someone who (having just seen “Open Water”) went diving in Sharm and, on surfacing, found to their horror that their boat had lost them. (Not much of a story as it was just a little way away and came back to pick them up).

The truth of it is that this would never happen on a well organized diveboat. For a start, you have a dive plan (”Plan your dive, dive your plan!”). Secondly, the dive leader and any divemasters should have a good idea about who’s on the boat - after all, they should have spoken to them all to ascertain their level of skill and ability****. And lastly, other divers should try to be aware of who’s on the boat with them. After all, even the most experienced and skilled divers can get into trouble underwater and it helps to know who’s around.

Of course, you can always make sure that you’re well prepared for such an eventuality. Whistles, rattles, strobes, flags, SMBs (Surface Marker Buoy), remote GPS locators - enough stuff to sink you really. In UK waters, most of this equipment is always a necessity but the conditions that you face when diving in the UK are vastly different to the warm, clear waters of the Red Sea. I’m deliberating as to whether or not to take my SMB to Egypt but I might take a small flag to keep in my stab jacket pocket. (And a goody bag to pick up litter left by any Italian***** divers!) Not that I think anything is going to happen.

But, as I assured my wife, if the worst comes to the worst and I finish a dive to find the boat has left without me then I’ll just have to swim the fifty yards to shore.

*Lots of sand. It’s called the Sinai desert
**Actually, they were reef sharks which are about as likely to eat a man as Linda McCartney ever was. Admittedly, I wouldn’t want one to bite me, which can happen if you piss it off or get in the middle of a group of hungry, feeding sharks. But they won’t attack you.
*** Well, would have been a real danger if they’d have been diving out of Southend.
****In my experience, most divemasters are more interested in talking to the buxom blondes in the skimpy bikini.
***** It’s not that I’ve got it in for Italians but I have yet to encounter an Italian diver who will persuade me that they are anything other than arrogant, rude, inconsiderate and dangerous. They’re fine on the surface (mostly) but they can stay away from me while underwater. Them and the Japanese.