Did you know that God Hates Goths?

I’d like to take the opportunity to address the points raised on this website that’s still under construction but as I haven’t stopped laughing yet, I don’t think I’ll be able to. Still, for what it’s worth, let’s have a look.

Goths are all obsessed with death and dispair, with terror and violence, most goths use drugs as a form of everyday life. They abuse their children and many drink human blood.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

…by the term “Goth” we refer to all categories of gothics, from black metal ‘goths’ to vampyre ‘goths, from thrasher ‘goths’ to punk ‘goths’. Goth is just a word the media uses to group a certain type of people together, as do we. We cannot have an organization called ‘Parents Against Goths/Punks/wiccans/self harmers/thrashers/grungers/heavy metallers’, because this would be ridiculous.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Goth is an easy term to categorise the whorish dressing deviants that poison our world, the depressed kids who cut themselves and think its right, the abusive skaters, the long haired satanists, wiccan devil worshippers, the nazi kids who shoot their classmates for amuzment (sic). All obsessed with death and the darker side of life and listen to similar musics. They are all goths.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Youve seen them hanging around the mall in gangs, causing fights, they are Gothic criminal culture. In todays society there are a growing number of these street gangs who are influenced by violence of video games and movies

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

people… who worship Kurt Cobain and want to be just like him, are left mentally scarred as we believe all children of gothic couples will be, and who end up loured (sic) into vampire dens and used as human blood banks

Holy craptacular conspiracy theory, Batman! It’s the plot from Blade all over again! It wasn’t a movie, it was a documentary!

Make no mistake, there are many victims. Many lucky to be left alive in states of depression and mentally scarred, unable to live normal lives because of the abuse they suffered.

Wait! Are we still talking about Goths here?

I suppose it’s a bit unfair to just laugh at all this because, quite frankly, it’s too easy a target. So let’s have a quick look at some of their claims, shall we? The opening page starts with this reference:

In 1996 the highly acclaimed ‘New Scientist’ published a survey carried out on 1,258 young people, aged 11, 13, 15 and 19. The results were shocking. It showed that a massive 53% of goths had self harmed or self mutilated, and even more disturbing, a terrifying 47% of goths had attempted suicide.

The New Scientist huh? Let’s see what we can find. Ah, here it is: Goth Subculture May Protect Vulnerable Children Wow! You’re right, 47% of children have attempted suicide - before they became a goth! Perhaps you’re thinking of all the children whose parents are fundamentalist Christians and who found themselves listening to the song by A.C. (acronym for an very NSFW band name for a group described as “offensive and musically challenging” by AllMusic - you’ve been warned!) called “Your Kid Committed Suicide Because You Suck!”1

Not letting facts and research stand in the way of good scaremongering, the author of this site continues:

2001:USA - World Trade Centre destroyed by plans drawn up 2 year previously by Dylan Klebold, one of the terrorists from Columbine. http://www.riverreporter.com/issues/01-09-20/oped.htm

Great! We’ve actually got a link to a potentially verifiable source of information. Maybe they’ll convince me! What’s this? Beginning of the fourth paragraph?

By no means do I suggest a connection between the assault on Columbine High School by two of its own and the destruction of the World Trade Center by foreigners.

D’oh! So no connection after all. Mind you - good link to a site that gives information without any links to authoritative sources whatsover. Wonder if I can find one of those too?

It’s nice to see that tolerance and acceptance are still part of the teachings of the fundamentalist bible bashers over in the United States of Crazy3. Reading this gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside about how the gleaming, understanding, harmonious, peaceful and brave new world of the undiscovered country that is the future of the human race is even further away than originally suspected. Hell, I doubt it’s even on the map!

Just remember kiddies:

Goths are the Devil’s Children, they are a greater threat to today’s society than all the Muslim extremists, paedophiles and suicide bombers in the World put together.

It’s on the internet, it must be true!

(Thanks to the South London Danger Squad for bringing this to my attention and for letting me steal their best lines [1],[2])