1. Must remember to remove people from RSS reader if they persistently discuss that fucking horrendous pile of putrid excrement that Channel 4 is currently passing off as light entertainment again. I. Don’t. Care. If I want to watch a car crash, I’ll go and drop bricks onto passing vehicles from an M25 footbridge.

2. Must be thankful that we can’t get any type of television signal at all at the moment.

3. Must also conveniently forget to book the dude who fixes TV ariels to come until September.

4. Must not let the existence of Jade “ugly, talentless, thick as shit, god I wish she’d throw herself off a cliff, total fucking waste of space” Goody impinge on my positive, karmic vibes.