So, anyway.

On saturday I went for a walk. It’s only two weeks until I take part in the Oxfam Trailwalker (the event that one kind person here has sponsored me for so far) and I figured it was high time I did a decent training walk in preparation. “It’s going to be wet though” said some random bloke down the pub (who may or may not be a good friend - I wasn’t paying attention at the time). “Yes, ” I replied, “but last time I checked, I was still waterproof.” Actually, I didn’t say that. That would have been a quick witted and off the cuff and I don’t do that.

A week earlier, another acquaintance of mine who’s a personal trainer by profession and confession said that she’d like to come along with me for the walk. I pointed out on more than one occasion that I was going to be doing 30 miles and that it was likely to be very late and dark before I got back. It didn’t deter her. I’m glad because it was nice to have the company.

30 miles, as it turns out, is a fuck of a long way. At least, when you’re walking it is. The route was a little muddy which is unsurprising considering the recent precipitous weather we’ve been enduring. When I say “a little” I mean extremely. On the drive down to our dropoff point we passed through a tremendous downpour and I prayed to a god I don’t believe in that it was only passing. It was. We got dropped off. We began walking.

We made quite good time for the most part - better than we planned. What rain there was was light, showers for the most part and at one point the sun even deigned to check if the coast was clear. Considering the speed with which it hastily departed again, I’m guessing it probably wasn’t. The views, when not obstructed by hedgerows and fences, were satisfying and on a sunny day it would have been a wonderful summer vista across the vales and fields of the home counties. But it felt great to be walking through fields of not yet ripe corn, spying rabbits and hares as they scarpered for shelter from our approach, watching buzzards and kestrels hunt through the long grass for their next snack, hearing them cry above the tree-tops with predatory ululations.

We pushed on quite hard - harder than my team is likely to do on the event for real. Couple that with the fact that we had no support team, no checkpoints to catch up with and that we were carrying everything we needed then I think it was quite a challenge. The only stop we took was half way through, after about 5 hours of walking, when we changed our socks and then pushed on. It’s hard to believe how simple and wonderful a pleasure it can be to put on a clean, dry pair of socks.

We trekked on.

After about seven and a half hours, we made it to the penultimate town that the trail we were following passes through. It was raining a little harder now. A decision had to be made: stick to the plan and follow the trail the rest of the way home or change our plan and walk along the roads and pavements. The distance would be comparable but the road would be easier and quicker (and would give us a realistic chance at getting back to the village for last orders). I decided that the plan had been made with a reason and deviating from it would be tantamount to giving in. We picked up the path again from where it was signposted by the clocktower in the centre of the town.

In retrospect, it was perhaps not the most prudent choice. Or perhaps it was the right choice. It depends on the point of view.

The rain came down harder and the light began to fade. We passed from a good track onto more muddy paths in a heavily wooded area and our pace slowed. It was dark under the trees but not quite dark enough for torches. The black wooden trail markers were difficult to spot and we made doubly sure that we were going in the right direction every time as it would have been all to easy to miss one and begin following any of the smaller paths that criss crossed through the area.

Which is exactly what happened after about half an hour. Half an hour or so after entering the woods, we decided that headtorches would be useful although it turns out that they weren’t that helpful after all as it wasn’t quite dark enough. We found ourselves on a narrow path that led us through a deep gulley, ankle deep in mud and surrounded by nettles. After a couple of minutes, I realised we’d lost the trail. My companion drew up with me and simply said “This isn’t fun anymore.” We were cold, wet, tired and, for want of a better word, lost. Not Hansel and Gretel lost, just not where we should have been. If it had been a warm June night and pleasant conditions, perhaps we would have backtracked to where we last knew we were on the trail but to do so now would have been stubborn and pointless.

We followed the path we were on as it went downhill and downhill was where any road was going to be. Sure enough, were only just around the corner from a road although we had no idea which one. The only thing we were certain of was that were on the backlanes and could be anywhere. The only thing for it, at gone 10PM, was to knock at one of the nearby houses. I’m sure the last thing they would have wanted, living in the middle of nowhere, was to have to bedraggled and soaked strangers hammering at their door but after I ever so politely said “I’m so sorry to bother to you but I’m afraid we’re lost and have no idea where we are” the people who answered seemed more bemused than threatened and happily told us which way to go and where the road led.

After another 20 minutes, we found ourselves back in the nearest town, underneath the clocktower we’d only left a little under two hours previously, calling a taxi to take us home. It was a disheartening end to the days adventure.

That being said, as a training walk it went well. My gear seemed fine and with the exception of aching legs, I didn’t suffer from blisters or other ailments beyond a mild bit of chafing. Nothing that a generous application of vaseline won’t resolve in a couple of weeks.

Then again, we only covered about 25 miles in all and not the full 30 we planned. Even that would have been just under half of the distance we’ve got to cover come the 14th July! I wonder if I should have got more sponsorship?