This was a triumph.
I’m making a note here: Huge success.
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction

I normally wouldn’t ever include a recent release on any “top x” list be it a game, book, music or film but Portal has to be an exception. It is absolutely fantastic. I’ve said so before and I’m saying it again. I’m in good company:

Yahtzee liked it
Rock Paper Shotgun liked it
Penny Arcade liked it

But why? Why was it so good? There’s a simple answer:

The writing.

MASSIVE SPOILERS ENSUE (INCLUDING ENDING):
When Portal was released, some people experienced a bug which meant they didn’t get any sound. These people couldn’t understand why everyone else was raving about the game. To them it was a puzzle game with an interesting mechanic but it wasn’t the be all and end all of gameplay. Invariably, after getting the sound sorted out, the fishscales fell from their eyes and they raised their hands to the sky and worshipped at the temple of Valve.

If at first you don’t succeed, you fail. And the test will be terminated.’

GLaDOS is the reason that this game is so great. GLaDOS is the HAL9000 for the year that was 2007. Her sing-song voice guides you through the levels of the game, encouraging you gently, informing you about your surroundings before slowly declining into deranged murderousness (as all high-tech AI systems are, apparently, wont to do). The reason you, as a gamer, persist through the game is not to see if you can defeat the next level but to hear more lines of this increasingly unhinged character.

That’s not to say that it’s a bad game - anything but. It’s just that the sheer ingenuity of the game mechanics and puzzles are definitely second place behind the world that you find yourself in. The concept of the Weighted Companion Cube, for example, is in-fucking-spired. It’s a regular cube (used to hold triggers down, stand on etc.) but it has little pink hearts decorating it. But unlike the other cubes, when you pick it up, GLaDOS tells you to take care of it. So you do, up until the end of the level when you’re required to drop it into a furnace - an act which lets exit the level and prompts GLaDOS to say “You euthanised your faithful companion cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations.” Further on in the game, you can find hidden sections which contain pictures and graffiti regarding the WCC. It’s absolutely irrelevant to the game but it adds so much depth and character to the world.

Weeee are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you. We are very very happy for your success. We are throwing a party in honour of your tremendous success.

After finally escaping an incineration of your very own, provided generously by GLaDOS, you make your way through the bowels of the testing center and come face to optical input device with the AI herself. I have played this particular section through several times for no other to listen to GLaDOS as she rants on at you. The absurdist humour is so black and so sharp that it makes the whole sequence a pleasure. I’d like to quote it for you all but that would be silly. Instead, here’s a video of the entire final “battle” including the ending credit sequence complete with that song.¹ (Transcription of all GLaDOS quotes here)

Portal is great. It’s more than a game, it’s an interactive experience that’s better than some films. If I could ever write anything which is even half as funny, imaginative or as sharp as Portal, I will not only feel that I’ve achieved something in my life but also that I deserve an extra slice of cake.

Goodbye.

Didn’t we have some fun though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said ‘Goodbye’ and you were like “NO WAY!” and then I was all “We pretended we were going to murder you”? That was great!

¹Do I need to say that if you haven’t played Portal but intend to that you shouldn’t watch this? If I do, you’re probably not very clever and shouldn’t be here. There’s only room for one not very clever person here and that isn’t you!