So then, Doctor Who. The Stolen Earth. Far be it for me to break a habit and speculate about next weeks season finale, I’m stuck on a train, going to be very late to work and have just watched selected highlights again on iPlayer. This is going to be spoilerific (in terms of what we’ve just seen , not in terms of what may or may not happen next week) so if you don’t want to know anything, stop reading now. Really.

Right now.

If you carry on after the jump then you’re going to be sorry.

Still with me?

Right, okay. Let me get this off my chest before discussing what may be about to happen. I thought The Stolen Earth was, on the whole, pretty shit. Now I have nothing against Russell T. Davies as a writer or as, well, anything. I’ve pretty much enjoyed most of the episodes this season, even the more dubious of them that the die hard fanbase appear to loath. But there was too much early on in this penultimate show that drew me out of the show. For a start – what’s with the “Far Across The Universe” subtitle? There was just no need. It felt so, well amateurish and cartoony. All it was missing was a “Meanwhile,” at the beginning.

Next, the phone call to the Doctor. Apart from the fact that this echoed the “Everyone think about the Doctor” psychic wave restoration bollocks at the end of last season, the RKO radio-esque graphics used to illustrate said communication beam was cheap, nasty and totally out of place. What were they thinking? Perhaps it’s a prelude to Doctor Who: The Animated Series because again, cartoony and totally out of keeping – especially with the rest of the tone and feel of the not just the episode but the series in general. It was fucking awful.

There were some other bits as well, mostly dialogue and mostly delivery that just sucked me out of what would have otherwise been a pretty decent setup. (Don’t even get me started on Harriet Jones, Former Prime Minister). Mostly I think Rusty couldn’t decide whether to go for all out terror or keep the tone light and ultimately couldn’t find the balance. Because there were good bits – the look on Sarah Jane’s face when they first heard the Daleks war cry was brilliant. Captain Jack could have showed a bit more fear and emotion but I guess that’s what comes of being immortal.

The return of Davros? Brilliant. Very well done and very well played too. Rather than being the raving, insane, megalomaniac he was cold, calm and calculating and just as creepily menacing as I remember from my childhood. Well done.

So, let’s get on to the big question: is the Doctor actually going to regenerate? Some arguments that suggest we are about to get someone new playing the Doctor are Catherine Tate’s “slip” on a radio show way back when about David Tennant leaving. It would make sense – 3 seasons, 3 companions, just as Rusty bows out so does Tennant. Certainly, without a full season next year apart from some specials (allegedly to give Tennant some time to go and do more stage work) it could all be contract renewal time so it wouldn’t be that suprising.

However, arguments against a real regeneration start with a how surprising is it? If the BBC and all involved have managed to maintain secrecy regarding the casting of a new Doctor Who then colour me extremely impressed because even this close to the event, there still appears to be a news blackout. I can’t quite believe that they can actually get away with it. But if it is true then, quite frankly, it’s a shit way to get a new Doctor. Really shit. Seriously, totally and utterly shit. Killed in the midst of a godawful, cringeworthy rip-off of the famous Bo Derek, Dudley Moore running down the beach scene in 10. Mortally wounded while running down the street. By an anonymous Dalek that just happened to be wondering around? Really? He might as well have tripped on a banana skin. That would have been just as silly and banal and about a hundred times funnier.

Somehow it seemed far too lame for it to actually be more than a build up for a cliffhanger. Now don’t ask me who they’re going to get around it – a) I’m not up on my Dr Who science and b) I don’t think it’ll matter anyway as it’s the type of program where you make it up as you go along but something like the out-of-sync-with-time Medusa Cascade or, more likely, something to do with Donna, Rose and parallel worlds that makes things not happen as they should. There’s also this thing about Alex Kingston’s River Song recognising the Doctor but taking a while to realise that he was younger than when they first met. Now either it’s a blindness to regeneration that people have so by “younger” she meant an earlier incarnation. Except surely that would be blatantly obvious to anyone – as evidenced by Captain Jack’s comment to David Tennant’s doctor at the beginning of Utopia in season 3.

Anyway, my instinct is that yes, Tennant is leaving and this is just a really terrible way of going about it. Mores the pity.

But, that being said, what else might we see in the next episode? Well, my money is on the Doctor’s Daughter coming back. Why? Look at the evidence: we’ve got Donna and her mum, Martha and her mum, Rose’s mum Jackie will be back (sorry, that’s a real spoiler – Mickey’s back too) and then there’s the rather out of context line that Davros addressed to the Doctor – “I’ve got my children, what have you got?” Theme of parent/child relationships in the season where the Doctor becomes a dad again (after a fashion)? Plus every other new character developed in Davie’s tenure as ExecProd has made an appearance so why not her as well. (As long as she’s wearing those trousers, of course!) After all, who better to take on the Dalek’s than Doctor Who’s gun toting offspring?

Also, missing planets: am I right in remembering that the Sontarons lost their planet? Likelihood of them turning up and waging war against the Daleks? After all, the last major enemy to have a bash at the Pepper Pot Brigade were the Cybermen who got introduced in a two parter much like the Potato Head Society did. The only reason for this not being likely is because Sontar wasn’t highlighted in the list of the missing planets when the Doctor visited the Shadow Proclamation. Still, facts like that don’t necessarily bother the continuity checkers on the production (as again evidenced at the end of Season 3 but I’ll leave you to work that one out for yourselves). And what bout the Shadow Proclamation? After all the vague references to them throughout this season, they must surely play a bigger part in it than they have done? (Space Rhinos against Daleks – get it on!)

Incidentally, I predict that Sarah-Jane, Harriet Jones, Ianto and Gwen will all be fine but will have been captured by the Daleks and taken to whatever this mysterious Crucible is. (Perhaps they are am-dram Daleks putting on a performance of Arthur Miller’s famous play. Perhaps Davros is Arthur Miller! What? It might happen. Leave me alone!)

I strongly predict that Donna will end up saving the day, probably through some strange parallel world “It was all a dream really” Deus Ex Machina plot device, possibly through self-sacrifice (after all the hints that have been dropped – especially by River Song who was obviously impressed which you would be by someone who may be involved in defeating the New Dalek Order. And don’t give me toss about the fact that she died in a parallel world because, frankly, how would anyone know? That’s just sleight of hand to make you think that was the event that they were talking about.) After all, in the space of 50 minutes next week, the Doctor has to regnerate (or not), the fate of all the companions has to be determined, the Daleks have to be defeated and the Earth has to be returned to it’s rightful position. There’s also a distinct possibility that, after all Donna’s bleating on about going back in time to change the future, there might be plenty of fiddling about with time.

My train has nearly arrived at its destination which seems a good time to wrap up this nerdtastic post. I’ve yet to peruse the internets to see what type of nerd-rage paroxysms this last episode has made people succumb to – I’m going to save that for later when I need a good laugh.