I’ve been having anxiety dreams all this week mostly related to the things in my life that I keep putting off that I really, really, really know I should be doing. This has also lead to me waking up early even to the point at finding myself in the gym at 7:30 on Wednesday (something I have been unable to repeat since). Last night the dreams weren’t so much anxiety related as directly telling me to stop putting these things off and get them done. I’d even take a stab at some neo-Jungian dream interpretation and suggest that my subconciousynessness was pointing out how much better I’d feel once I’d done it.
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More introspection - it’s the month for it. This one takes the form of some hopes, desires, goals and ambitions for the year forthcoming. It’s more a wishlist than a plan because that way I allow for all the unexpected eventualities and take into consideration that which cannot be predicted. It’s subdivided into headings because that’s always good.

Health

• Lose weight (the same thing we do every year, Pinky!)¹
• Enter (and take part in) at least one half-marathon
• Run a marathon (has to be in the second part of the year if I can find a suitable and affordable one to enter)
• Do another Mountain Marathon (probably the OMM as the LAMM is on the 7/8 June and Hatchling #2 might only be 2 weeks old at that point.)
• Actually get to do the London Rat Race this year! (My entry is already in!)

Work

• Keep work coming in
• Continue to refrain from seriously maiming or terminating imncompetent users/project managers

Film-making

• Get more involved with other film-makers and film-making communities.
• Finish writing scripts for 3 short films
• Write one feature length screenplay
• Direct and complete one short film²
• Get aforementioned film into a festival³

Blog

• Replace the fucking template at long fucking last!
• Um, that’s about it really. Focus more on films, writing and all that but that’s about it.

Personal

• Successfully maintain an allotment and grow stuff that isn’t weeds on it
• Other personal goals to do with family etc.

Nothing there is totally unachievable provided I don’t dither, procrastinate or make excuses. On the other hand, I’m blocking out at least 3 months in the middle of the year (if not 4) and we’re already half way through January so it’s probably time to get cracking!

¹My weight fluctuates wildly. Losing a stone and a half is no problem but keeping it off is a different matter. I’ve lost 6 pounds in the last two weeks just from going back to a sensible diet, exercising and drinking less. By the end of the year, I’ll have packed it all back on again. It’s what I do.
²I have a plan for this already, to be discussed in another post. Typically, it might be overly ambitious.
³The only thing that’s really out of my control - so as long as I finish it and submit it for festivals, that’ll count.

I only have one tattoo. It’s a dragon clutching a shield and embossed on the shield is the futhark rune called Thurisaz, commonly associated with the god Thor (and can be taken to represent Thor’s hammer, Miolnir) although that’s not the reason why I chose it. In script, Thurisaz can be transliterated into two letters that just so happen to be my initials which is kind of convenient but in runecasting and divination, it’s known as the “Gateway” rune.

The gateway is the point where your past behind you and the future ahead of you, the place between “heaven” and the mundane, life and death and the crossing from ignorance to enlightenment. It is a rune of non-action, calling for contemplation of future intentions, consideration of past events and reflection and examination of the external and internal forces at work around you. It can also represent the division between order and chaos and like all good divinatory tools, the interpretations of this are obscure: do you shake off the bonds of order defined by the constraints of your upbringing, your conditioning and the influences bearing on you before escaping into the unpredictable adventure that chaos brings or do you make sense out of the chaos, introduce order, consolidating or severing all of the different forces that are pulling you in different directions?
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LOGLINE: A man struggles to come to terms with a doctor’s suggestion.

Based on true events. All rights cleared.

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This post is nothing to do with films of a similar titlementation.
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I logged into Flickr today for the first time in I don’t know how long (and boy do I have some issues with Yahoo at the moment). In my inbox was a message from an Argentinian publisher or, rather, a second message. He’d emailed me back in November and I never got around to replying so was surprised that he’d emailed me again. The topic was regarding permission to use this photo in an educational book that his company is publishing.

So I just replied (several months late) and said, sure go ahead. See - I knew if I sat around and did absolutely fuck all then great things were bound to drop into my lap sooner or later.

I just wonder if I should have told him that I didn’t actually take the photo on account of, you know, being in it.

Finally I can blog from work without any worry about getting slapped on the wrist or otherwise running the risk of facing the sack, humiliation or public execution. My current contract is a 6 week development project that I’m doing from home. Before I left Dublin in January, I made sure to point out that if they were short handed and needed the odd bit of work done here or there that I’d be more than happy to do it. They took me up on it and I got a call from them at the beginning of last week asking if I was free to do a CMS system for a website.

Unfortunately I can’t say who I’m working for (i.e. my client’s client) because I want to maintain some professional confidentiality. It is for someone particularly high up the food chain in the Irish power and influence stakes (and no, it’s not Matt “Life Without Toast” Verso) which will look very good on my CV but also means I have very little margin for fuckups. And no manoeuvrability on deadlines.

Good thing the project timeline has a lot of contingency built in!

Male, 8lbs 11oz, 9:48am.

Mother exhausted but fine. Baby is healthy and hungry, despite being two weeks early. Father is going down the pub.

Today I witnessed one of lifes little miracles and can now understand why people are so wowed by the experience.

I was going to write a missive about Star Wars pre-history and Stalinist revisionism but it looks like my wife may have gone into labour so it’ll have to wait.