I only make two deserts. The common feature of both is that they are highly alcoholic. Tiramisu is a definite party favourite and my victims friends are always asking me to make them one. I could give you some guff about how it’s Italian and translates as “pick me up” but you don’t need to know that, you just need to know what goes in it!

Ingredients
1 Bottle Kahlua
1 Bottle Dark Rum
(Optional bottle Brandy)
200ml Strong (and I mean STRONG) black coffee. Kenco Instant is good for this if you can’t be bothered to make some filter coffee.
500g Marscarpone Cheese
75g Caster sugar
3 Medium Eggs
1 packet Boudoir biscuits (sponge fingers to you)
Cocoa/Hot Chocolate powder

Serves up to 6/8 people or 4 extremely greedy ones.

Right, got all that? Good! Let’s crack on.

1. First off, the coffee. Make sure you’ve made the coffee strong and have let it cool down. Add a couple of splashes of rum (with kahlua and brandy as optional extras. Whiskey works too) Make sure you add a splash extra because you won’t have added enough.

2. Next, seperate the eggs. Try not to get too much eggshell into the egg white.

3. Use a whisk to beat the egg yolks and caster sugar together until it’s a pale, thick and gloopy mixture. It should be quite smooth in consistency. Slowly add all the marscapone and mix it together until smooth. When it’s very smooth and pale, add some kahlua. A couple of splashes maybe alright but you can always add a teaspoon or two more. Don’t add too much because it’ll get too runny. If you want to add more, best you add it directly to your throat

4. This is an optional step but does tend to make the mixture a little lighter. Whisk up the egg whites until they are nice and fluffy and then fold the egg whites into the marscapone mix.

5. Get a large glass cooking dish (rectangular ones are far better and easier for this than round ones) that’s about 1.5 - 2 inches deep. Place the boudoir biscuits around the bottom of the dish until it’s completely covered and then build up around the sides.

6. If you don’t think you’ve got enough alcohol in the mixture, drizzle a little of the rum and/or brandy over the biscuits. Otherwise, you can go to the next step.

7. Pour the coffee mixture over the boudoir biscuits until they are soggy. Don’t drown them!

8. Spoon in the marscapone mix over the boudoir biscuits until either the dish is full or you run out of mix. You can spend your time putting poncey patterns in the top or you can just flatten it out and then sprinkle some of the cocoa powder over the top.

9. Cover with cling film and put into the fridge. Leave for at least an hour so that it firms up and chills.

And that’s all there is to it.

(Responsible note: This recipe contains raw eggs so don’t eat it if you are or think you are pregnant.)